I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
