Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
