Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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