Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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