Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
