Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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