She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
