i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
