I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
