every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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