am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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