dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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