I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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