i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry about my life...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
