k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
