FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
