HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
