I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
