I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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