its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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