Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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