I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
