What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
