Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
