She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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