the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
