I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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