i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize