Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
