I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
