I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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