How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
