Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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