I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
