Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
this is an emotional support booty call
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
