I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
