Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
