ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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