Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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