You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
