Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
