VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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