I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Damn victory sex feels great
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize