Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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