I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
