Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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