True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
