Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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