Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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