Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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