Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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