My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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