just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
