I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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