its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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