Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
