Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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