you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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