I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
