Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
