final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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