I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
