I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
