yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
