how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
