Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
